if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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