That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
They have beer where we have blood.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize