Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
my god I love twenty year old dicks
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
