Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
