The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
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