girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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