how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
