I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
And the cops told us we were all naked.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
