I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
