Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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