Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
