Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
