Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
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