Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize