Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
did you just send me my own nude
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
