k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
