Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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