His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
The ass gains better be worth it
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
I did not marry a roomba.
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