oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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