I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Randomize