I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
being pregnant is like rehab
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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