i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
