the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
