rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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