This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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