I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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