I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
