Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
