Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
