You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
