I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
