Can Purell be used as lube?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
