today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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