Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize