if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
