Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
My cat gives me a boner
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize