If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
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