Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
