don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
