first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
