Banned from zoo.
Again?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
