just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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