god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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