That's intense
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
