I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
