We won't sleep together?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
i think im in europe. pls send help
Randomize