I faked an abortion last night.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
