He uses pillows to masturbate.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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