marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
you never un-have a 4some
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
