She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
