I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
