Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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