so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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