I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
