I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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