What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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