saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
