You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
