Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
