Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
