White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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