i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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