So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
