there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
