you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
