I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
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