I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
