kristin has been a bad kristin
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
even my farts smell like vagina
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
