there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
