I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
His nipple licking is glorious
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