Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
