In the future we'll all be gay
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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