They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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