apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Randomize
