At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
