I hope mine doesn't look like that
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
