and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
