my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
