Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize