Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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