8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
