My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
