The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
