just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
