So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
