Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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