I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
