Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
